Practical ways to talk about end of life planning with our elderly

Recently, the team have received a couple of enquiries about how to broach the conversation about end of life planning with elderly family or community members who are perhaps a bit resistant to some of the more forward death literacy initiatives such as Death Cafe’s and even our Dying to Know Day.

With permission, we’ve shared one of the questions below. It’s an excellent question and we thought it might be worth sharing for others who are facing similar challenges.

EMAIL:

Dear GS Team 

Recently, I promoted an article about the Death Café for our members through an internal newsletter. Our members are War Widows with an average age of 89 years. While we received 1 direct criticism about the article, I heard through our network of volunteers that the article was seen to be morbid. That description made me even more curious about how to engage with our members who are clearly ageing but who see themselves as highly resilient and stoic as women of the World War II period.

I’m wondering how Groundswell can help us to reduce members’ discomfort about the conversation on dying and end of life. How do we build knowledge and decision-making for our members without them feeling threatened?

Separately, my fear about death and dying is somewhat reduced, having seen my mother pass in palliative care last July. It triggered me to get my will, and other plans in place. 

I appreciate your help.

Regards,

[name withheld for privacy]

REPLY:

Hello,

Wonderful to hear from you and to learn about the ways you are trying to empower you members.

I have a few ideas on this, certainly the direct language of 'death cafe's' and even our own Dying to Know Day campaign can sometimes be a barrier to certain demographics at the same time as being quite empowering to others.

I would suggest, if you are comfortable to do so, try approaching it from a different perspective and using your personal story to help illustrate it. Personal, relatable stories have the biggest impact in terms of inspiring action in other people, particularly around topics that are challenging.

It is important to talk about and plan for our deaths with our loved ones - not just for the person who is approaching the end of their life - but for the family members to have a better experience and not have to make big decisions whilst they're grieving. So it may work well to frame it that way - discussing and planning well for your end of life is an act of love towards your family.

Acknowledging that they are the expert of their own lives is important too so it might also be a good idea to ask them what topics about reaching the end of their life that they would like more information about.And sharing some statistics or easy to follow resources can help to offer insight and motivate people. Here’s a link to some of our resources which are accessible for anyone to use.

I hope this is helpful.

- GroundSwell team.